sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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