i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
