I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
