So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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