my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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