As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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