They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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