already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
