i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
