You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
