I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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