Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
