I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
