okay pat passed out under dana's car
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize