totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
