That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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