Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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