In the future we'll all be gay
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
