Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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