Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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