theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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