Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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