me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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