We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
