I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize