If i come over, it means nothing
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
