i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
