covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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