She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
