just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
