WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
