I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
