You just made me feel so damn special
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
