She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
