So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
