too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
