I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
