like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
