Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
