I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
