I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize