i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
