some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
