In the future we'll all be gay
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
