I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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