This is not my ceiling
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
