Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize