Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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