she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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