Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
