I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
