Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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