At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
