I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
