My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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