what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
