i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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