Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
