How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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