plz talk dirty to me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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