Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
