HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
