so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
