You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize