Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
