Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
