This girl is more easily done than said...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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