none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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