you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
