so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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