My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
