I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
