dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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