I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Found the puke drawer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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