i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
