I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
