you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize