So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
