Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize