I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
