So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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