i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
