Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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