I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
