FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
