My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
