i jhust puked up my retainher.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
