Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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