After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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