I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
