Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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