he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
