dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
