Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize