the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
