Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
