either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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