I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
