he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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