my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
