Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
