We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize