Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
