I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
