Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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