apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
