Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize