He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
