i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
