You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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