apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize