i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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