she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She bit a glass in half.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
