Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
