I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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