sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize